“40-year-old female using toothbrush to make herself gag, accidentally swallowed toothbrush.”
“Abdominal pail. Diagnosis: tight pants and belt.”
“Forehead pain: Patient shot self in nose with BB gun.”
“Head injury: Rolled off couch and hit telephone.”
“Patient stuffed ear with toilet paper so roach wouldn’t crawl in, now unable to remove.”
“Patient missed punching bag, hit metal safe.”
“Concussion, severe headache: Patient being pulled on a sled behind golf cart, struck a bump, launched in air.”
“Pulled groin while riding mechanical bull.”
“Bruised shoulder: Husband was throwing cellphone at cat, missed cat.”
“Patient, 23, used a sword to cut a piece of paper. Laceration left arm,”