These quotations were allegedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large American corporation.
“His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.”
“I would not allow this employee to breed.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
“A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on.”
“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
“It’s hard to believe that he beat a million other sperm to the egg.”