The older we get, the earlier it gets late.
Old people are just young people who have been alive for a very, very long time.
Why am I getting older and wider instead of older and wiser?
Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
My father-in-law is so old that his driver’s license says, “Picture may be of someone else.”
How are stars like false teeth? They both come out at night.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her. “So,” he says, “Do I come here often?”
What musical genre do older people with arthritis listen to every time they sit down and stand up? Pop.
You know you’re old when getting lucky means a short wait in the doctor’s office.
The good thing about getting older is that you don’t have to worry about things like acne anymore. The bad thing is that you start worrying about new things, like wrinkles and gray hair.
Isn’t it a great feeling knowing you’re so old there’s nothing left to learn the hard way?
You know you’re old when you turn down the lights to be economical instead of romantic