Do you know the four signs of growing old? First, forgetting names. Second, forgetting faces. Third, forgetting to zip up and fourth, forgetting to zip down.
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
Seniors are worth a fortune. They have silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys and gallbladder, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomach.
You might be old if your favorite part of the newspaper is “25 years ago today!”
Be kind to your children, because when you get older, they’re the ones who are going to choose your nursing home.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
My doctor told me I need to sweat daily, so I told him I’d start disobeying my wife.
Aging gracefully is a nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.
At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathtub.