The Journey Within

Every person is on a journey. Oftentimes, we can see the kind of the journey from the outside, or based on the external factors that we see in a person. We can say without much thought that a person is on a turbulent journey if we see that the person is having troubles in his or her every day life. A smooth-sailing journey can be seen if the person is peaceful inside out. A person with no direction at all, based on his or her conflicting choices in life, may have gotten lost in the journey.

These journeys can be so dependent on our intended destination and on the quality of our intentions. We can journey for our self-satisfaction only and nothing more. We can set out on a journey with a desire of tagging along with us some people whom we also want to have a taste of a better life. If there is an impending calamity, we may travel on our own and save only our life, but we have an option to bring other people with us so that they can also be free from troubles and other hazards.

The journey that we are undertaking has got to have a purpose. Otherwise, we may be wasting our time and effort for a journey without any purpose at all.

Life is a journey. We all have our past, our present, and a future to hope for. We can only review our past, the roads and places we have been, and try to remedy some mistakes we may have done in order for us to get back on the right track and hope for a brighter and a joyful future. What is important for me is the present journey because I cannot change the past and I cannot foretell what the future has in store for me. So, if I learned from my past, and if I am doing good in my present journey, then a brighter future may be waiting for me.

I have just finished my encounter with the Lord and with my inner self when we had our Annual Clergy Retreat. There were a lot of realizations and resolutions that I have made for myself and for my life as a priest. Of course, I was able to accept and I was made aware of my sinfulness and unworthiness. I am so grateful to my fellow priests, most especially Fr. Butch and Fr. Garry, for helping me look at myself in the way I have never done before.

During our retreat, I came to accept my limitations and apologize for those misguided actions that I have done in my past. I was wandering and I got lost in my own journey as a person and even as a priest. I know what I want in life and my intended destiny is clear enough for me to continue moving on and walking towards that end. However, clear as it may seem, I still do things that can be considered as obstacles to my journey. Some people will find it hard to comprehend and I will always understand them because I do not even understand myself and keep asking why did I do that, why did I do this?

I love driving cars and motorbikes and I can go to places where other people would not even dare to go. Wherever I go, the vehicle that I am using must have the capacity to take me there in one piece and it must also have the power needed so I can reach the place I want to go. But even if I have all those powerful vehicles under my command, I must also have the heart and the courage to set out for that journey. The driver is an important element for a journey to be successful. We have seen big machines and muscle cars that did not make it to the finish line. And so, we have also seen powerful people, rich people, and many other kinds of people who suddenly failed in achieving and fulfilling their dreams. It is because they also have failed in their journey within themselves.

Not everyone who look at me as a friend can really say that they know the real me. Most of the people around me know me through the words I speak, through the letters that I write, and maybe through the path of life that I have taken. But there will always be a reason why I chose this and disliked that, why I acted like this and not like that. That is what I mean by the journey within and we can only understand that journey by being aware of our very life, accept our life as it is, and struggle to rise above the clouds of our suspicions in life.

I tried to build a dream for me and my family, especially for my mother and my youngest sister who are both dead. I sailed the “seven seas” just to realize that dream for us (Mama, Nene and me). But before I even started to break the grounds, God took them away from me. This is the journey within me… I am on top a sturdy and powerful machine, but the direction and the destiny of my dreams were gone.

Realizing all these mess in my life, as a person and as a priest, my resolution is to stand once again and be in control of everything that I may have lost along the way. For now, the destination of my journey is crystal clear to me again… I want to arrive at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ and die on it, too. This is the vocation of every Christian, after all. Our journey is the Christian way, and our destiny is to die on the cross with Jesus.

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