You can sing along with elevator music.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guy on the television.
Your eyes won’t get too much worse.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People call you at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you???? ”
You can get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You can eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.
In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run — anywhere.
You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.
*****
Errant product labels
“Product will be hot after heating.”
Marks & Spencer’s bread pudding
“Do not turn upside down.”
(Printed on the bottom of the packet)
Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert
Warning: This product contains nuts.”
Sainbury’s peanuts
“For best results, remove cap.”
Nabisco’s Easy Cheese
“Do not eat packet.”
Hormel pepperoni
“Do not take if allergic to aspirin.”
Bayer Aspirin