My dear brothers and sisters, there is a very strong sentence in today’s Gospel that deserves our attention. Jesus says to Peter, “You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.” Peter loved Jesus. When the Lord told His disciples that He would suffer and die in Jerusalem, Peter immediately protested, “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you.” His reaction sounds loving because he wanted to protect Jesus from suffering. Yet the Lord rebuked him because his sincere love had become misguided. Peter wanted to spare Jesus from the very sacrifice through which His mission would be accomplished. There is an important lesson here, especially for parents. Not everything we do because we love someone is necessarily good for that person. Genuine love must also learn to think as God thinks.
This becomes particularly relevant today as we confront the disturbing problem of violence involving young people. We hear stories of teenagers bullying, fighting, humiliating others, carrying weapons, recording violence on their phones, and even treating another person’s suffering as entertainment. Some
of these acts are uploaded to social media where views, shares, reactions and popularity can become more
important than conscience. We naturally ask, “What is happening to our young people?” Yet we adults must also have the courage to ask, “What is happening in our homes?” We cannot place all the blame on
children because children are formed somewhere. Their attitudes toward authority, anger, respect, responsibility and human dignity do not suddenly appear when they become teenagers. What they see,
hear, experience and are allowed to do while growing up gradually forms the persons they become.
The family is the first school of character, and parents are the first teachers. One of the most difficult lessons parents must teach is that love and discipline are not enemies. Some parents think that loving their children means giving them everything they ask for, defending them whenever they get into trouble, excusing their misconduct, refusing to correct them because they might become angry, or protecting them from every consequence of their actions. That may feel like love, yet it can become the kind of misguided love we see in Peter. A parent who truly loves a child must sometimes say no. A child
must learn that anger is never an excuse for disrespect, that weakness in another person is not an invitation to bully, and that being young does not give anyone the right to cause harm. Cruelty does not
become acceptable simply because friends encourage it, nor does something wrong become right because it receives thousands of likes.
When a child does something seriously wrong, parental love should not simply ask, “How can I protect
my child from the consequences?” A more important question is, “How can I help my child understand
the wrong, accept responsibility, make amends and become a better person?” That is discipline. Discipline is not cruelty, humiliation, physical abuse, uncontrolled anger or revenge. Proper discipline is formation. It establishes reasonable boundaries, gives proportionate consequences, teaches accountability and provides a consistent example. Parents cannot demand respectful children while constantly disrespecting one another. They cannot teach self-control if the home is governed by shouting and violence, nor can they teach honesty while children watch adults lie. Children listen to what adults say, but they also study how adults live. Very often, the example they see at home becomes the behavior they carry into the world.
Jesus then gives us the antidote to a culture centered on self: “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” Imagine if our young people truly learned those three things. To deny oneself means understanding that we do not have to obey every impulse. Anger does not give permission to hurt somebody, and pain does not authorize revenge. Taking up the cross means learning to endure frustration, accept correction, admit mistakes and understand that life will not always give us what we want. Following Jesus means allowing Him, rather than social media, peer pressure, influencers or popularity, to determine the kind of person we become.
This is one of the great challenges facing parents today: to raise children who can hear the word “no” without believing that they are unloved, who understand consequences, who know how to lose without becoming violent, how to accept criticism without seeking revenge, how to disagree without destroying another person, and how to apologize when they are wrong. Young people certainly need affection, encouragement and understanding. They need parents who listen and take their struggles seriously. At the same time, they need boundaries, correction, consequences and good examples. A child who is always given what he wants may eventually grow into an adult who believes that the world must always give him what he wants. When reality refuses, frustration can easily turn into anger and anger into violence. Teaching a child to accept limits is not a failure of love. It is preparation for life.
Jesus concludes with a frightening question: “What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?” We can put that same question before our young people today. What profit is there in gaining thousands of followers but losing your character? What is gained by becoming viral because another person was humiliated? What is the value of being feared by your companions if you lose your humanity? What victory is there in winning a fight when another person’s future, your family’s peace and possibly your own life are destroyed? A few minutes of anger can produce consequences that last for years. One reckless act can leave another family grieving and one’s own family wondering where everything went wrong.
Parents must ask themselves a similar question. What profit is there in giving our children everything materially if we fail to give them character? A new phone cannot replace discipline. Money cannot replace presence. Comfort cannot replace values. Education cannot replace conscience. Indulgence can never replace love. Providing for children is an obligation, but forming them is an even greater responsibility. They need food, clothing, education and opportunities, yet they also need respect, restraint, responsibility, compassion and reverence for human life.
My dear brothers and sisters, juvenile violence is not merely a problem for the police, schools, courts or government. It is a challenge to the whole community, especially to the family. The formation of our children must begin in our homes rather than in courtrooms. Self-restraint should be learned from parents instead of being imposed later by the police. Responsibility must be taught within the family so that society will not have to teach it through punishment. While social media tells our young people what deserves attention and applause, parents must teach them what deserves respect.
To our young people, Jesus says today, “Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me.” Parents receive an equally serious responsibility from the Lord: love your children enough to guide them, correct them, discipline them and, most importantly, show them by your own lives what is right. Correction should begin while a child can still be lovingly guided at home, not when misconduct has already brought him before the police or the courts. Lessons that can be taught today through patient and loving discipline should never be left for tragedy to teach tomorrow.
Sometimes the most loving word a parent can say is not yes. Sometimes it is no. When that “no” is spoken calmly, consistently and for the good of the child, discipline becomes one of the deepest ways a parent can say, “I love you too much to allow you to destroy yourself.” That is not thinking merely as human beings do. That is learning to love as God loves.