ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
collected by actual journalists
Arson Suspect Is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Air Head Fired
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THINGS WE WOULD NEVER KNOW
WITHOUT THE MOVIES
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
Most dogs are immortal.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to armpit-level on a woman but only to waist-level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.