“Have you ever noticed… Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” George Carlin
“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where she is.” Ellen DeGeneris
“I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.” Carol Leifer
“The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you’re off it.” Jackie Gleason
“I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, “I’d like some fries. ” The girl at the counter said, “Would you like some fries with that?” Jay Leno
“If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” George Gobel
“Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.” Billiam Coronel
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” Oscar Wilde
“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” A. Whitney Brown