The following are actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers:
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Semiannual after-Christmas sale.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Dinner special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children, $2.00.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Have very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
And now, the superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.