You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol bloodstream.
You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive fifth food.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Every woman you see has an exact twin.
Five beers have just as many calories as a burger, so you skip dinner.
The glass keeps missing your mouth.
When you donate blood, they ask what proof it is.
You wake up in the bedroom still clothed, but your underwear is in the bathroom.
*****
The FDA is considering printing additional warnings such as these on beer and alcohol bottles:
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.