IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

 

IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs.

 

IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

 

ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)

 

QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

 

NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER’S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than thirty days will be disposed of.

 

IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOPE WINDOW: Closed due to illness.

 

SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants—please stay in your car.

 

NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

 

MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

 

ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door—the bell doesn’t work.)

 

SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK:

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.