The more an item costs, the farther you have to sent it for repairs.

 

Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price.

 

If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn’t fit anyone.

 

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

 

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

 

Love letters, business contracts, and money due to you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

 

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to your reach.

 

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

 

Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.

 

Interchangeable parts aren’t.

 

No matter which way you go, it’s uphill and against the wind.

 

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.