A chemical engineer is someone who is doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.

 

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

 

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

 

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

 

An editor is a person employed on a newspaper whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff and to see that the chaff is printed.

 

A journalist is someone who spends 50% of the time not saying what he knows and 50% of the time talking about things he doesn’t know.

 

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a brief.

 

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.

 

A modern artist is someone who throws paint on canvass, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

 

A philosopher is a person who doesn’t have a job but at least understands why.

 

A lecturer is someone who talks in someone else’s sleep.