Consider your words carefully before you send that email or tweet to your local authorities, as the following citizens did:

 

It’s the dogs’ mess that I find hard to swallow.

 

Their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

 

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

 

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

 

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

 

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

 

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

 

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children unless it is cleared.

 

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

 

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

 

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the man on top of me every night.